When training to be a mediator the following statement stuck with me, not because it makes perfect sense when compared to my 30 years of experience as a family and divorce lawyer, but because it so readily sizes up how spouses tend to treat each other:
“People get divorced with the same passion they felt when they entered into their relationship.”
Do you follow your “gut”, or are you an “intellectual” in your approach to your relationship with your spouse? Are you on “auto-pilot”? Are you “self-aware” of your situation, that you have reached the conclusion that “separation” or “divorce” may be inevitable? Are you ready to face the “unknown”? Are you just ready to move forward?
Can you answer the following 15 questions honestly?
Have you been contemplating “separating” or getting a “divorce” for what seems to be a long time?
Has your spouse asked you to move out?
Has your spouse threatened to “move back home”?
Has your spouse threatened to terminate your contact with the children?
Do you find yourself contemplating secreting funds from your spouse, “just in case…”?
Do you keep a “go bag”, “just in case…”?
Do you find that the love you felt for your spouse is dissipating, or gone?
When arguments break-out with your spouse, do you feel as if you are no longer listening to your partner’s perspective?
Do you believe your perspective is the only possible resolution?
Do you ever think that the issue is so important, that a break-down in communication just might lead to drastic actions on your part?
Are you frustrated to the point that your reactions are expressed with aggression or anger?
Are you confused, to the point of inaction?
Do you find yourself just reacting to one emergency after another?
Do you simply ignore the importance of matters believing that passage of time will force a resolution?
Do you intentionally avoid each other?
If you, evaluate your responses to the list of questions set forth above with enough “yes” responses that it raises concern in your mind; it might be time to see a “marriage counselor”, a “divorce lawyer” or a “mediator”. If you and your spouse are in agreement that the marriage can be “saved”, by all means reach out to a “mental health professional”. If you and your spouse can’t agree on anything other than the importance of “fighting” with each other, then a “divorce lawyer” is most likely in your future. If, however, you and your spouse are in agreement that “divorce” is inevitable, then mediation might be the solution for you.
Mediation uses a trained neutral third-party professional to assist in resolving your dispute. Mediation is a convenient forum to settle “Divorce”, and other disputes, in a non-adversarial friendly fashion. Mediation reduces “conflict” and can save the parties thousands of dollars in litigation costs.
The process is confidential and cannot be used in court. The mediator does not represent either party. Mediation is performed in scheduled sessions to assist the parties in obtaining what they believe to be a “win-win” settlement for all.
The mediator is a trained seasoned professional who assists the parties in communicating with each other to achieve a mutual agreement. It is not the role of the Mediator to give legal advice. However, the Mediator from time-to-time might explain the law as it pertains to your matter, or bring in other professionals (i.e.: financial or psychological) to assist.
If you are in need of a qualified “mediator” you can contact Glenn P. Milgraum, Esq. at “Morningstar Mediation” by calling 718-748-6625 or by e-mail at: MorningstarMediation@aol.com.
If you are seeking to hire independent counsel, to protect your interests in New York or New Jersey, feel free to contact Glenn P. Milgraum, Esq. by calling 973-812-8660 or by email at: Disputelaw@aol.com. You should also feel free to visit www.GlennMilgraum.com or link with us on www.linkedin.com/in/Disputelaw to review any upcoming posts.
* Nothing herein should be construed as legal advice. You should always consult and/or retain a lawyer regarding any legal matter.